So, almost a solid month ago I promised a blog on the heart behind the “why” in regards to CGA in October. Sorry it took so long! Honestly I’ve sat down several times to write it and have struggled to figure out how to verbalize it. I have never written and backspaced so much in my life. Thats definitely probably an over-exaggeration. Anyways, its safe to say I’m a little nervous to post this. And I’m gonna be really real about where that’s coming from. (I really hope I’m not the only one who has had these thoughts and worries).
Somewhere along the way during the Race, I realized that coming home was going to bring many questions- from myself and others- about my future. “So, you’ve gone on this incredible adventure, but now what? What’s next?”
And it made me think that being a missionary wasn’t a “real” job. Like I had to have a “real” career and just so mission work on the side. I would get so insecure at just the thought of having to fundraise again because I felt like people would just see it and think “Here it comes again…” And its not the first time (and probably wont be the last time) that I’ve heard “Jackie, fundraising isn’t a means to live.”
I got so frustrated and honestly felt really defeated, like I should just give up and try to do something else with my life. Something that would ensure a 401k and a stable income and all the “responsible” things we’re expected of in this life…And I thought “Jesus I know you’ve called me to do this with my whole entire life, but how is this all going to happen?”
But even still, I knew the Race was just the beginning for me. It was the start of the life I’m called to. It opened my eyes and changed my life and I literally can’t picture doing anything else with my life. Trust me I’ve tried. I’ve looked into other professions that make better money and honestly make “more sense” and seem like the “more responsible” thing for an adult to do. Jobs where you don’t have to fundraise. Jobs where you can stay close to family. Jobs where you can set down roots…it all sounds really great…
But then theres this other, wild-ish part of me…I can’t tame it and I don’t think God wants it to be tame. Its the truest part of me- its Him. And even in a whisper He can hush all of the other “ideas” I let buzz around in my mind. “Thats not it. That’s not what I made you for. This is it. Right here…You can trust Me.” And He settles me with this thing, this “I just know it” moment where I can’t explain why and I don’t know how or what’s gonna happen but I just know its what I’m supposed to do/ where I’m supposed to be. Anybody know what I’m talking about? Its reckless. It looks ridiculous. Its the man who found treasure hidden in a field and {joyfully} sold everything he owned just to buy the field. Its Jesus. And Jesus is a big fan of calling people out of whats easy and comfortable and “reasonable” for the sake of having us walk in what we were created for.
I was created to be a missionary. I was made for it. The way He wired me and the gifts He gave me and the passions and talents and everything was purposed for this life. I just know it. Other people are made to be teachers, doctors, lawyers, business owners, accountants, lifeguards, managers, baristas, police officers, authors, musicians, nurses, pastors, homemakers, and everything else you can think of…and they are good at it and passionate about it because its what they are called to do.
This is what I’m called to do. And attending the Center for Global Action in October is another step forward in that calling. At CGA I’ll be intentionally mentored and discipled by people who have much longer experience in this field. I’ll be in a community of people who are passionate and driven by the same goal (Jesus). And I’ll be getting hands-on experience as I learn through it all as I invest in being a member of the Gainesville community. Ultimately, in the Field Leadership track, I’m going to be trained and set up well to be able to one day lead teams on the same life-changing journey I experienced in 2016. Its my dream- its even bigger than what I could have thought up, honestly. And I have a good feeling I haven’t even scratched the surface of all He has in store for me as I continue to say hard, joyful, exciting, scary, blind, confident “Yes’s” to Him.
So family, I pray that you would come behind me in this journey. I pray that you would help me continue building God’s Kingdom. Financial support links you to the Kingdom work. You ARE very much, a huge, large part of what God is up to among this beautiful world. I am beginning to raise my funds for CGA- the goal is $5,950. Would you consider being part of this journey with me? I’d be honored to share in this with you.
