The summer of 2014 will always be a season I mark and remember as some of the deepest surrender. There was a revival happening in my heart that summer- the deepest intimacy I could remember up to that point in my journey with Him. And suddenly- at our time of deepest love- tragedy blindsided me and I faced deep grief for the first time in my life. It was during that season that I felt the most betrayed by God, and the most unable to trust His intentions, integrity, and true heart.
I could write for hours and hours on the healing journey that pain took me on- truly one of the greatest gifts of my life thus far has been the wholeness restored unto me out of that season. But today I wanted to write specifically about the hope He restored unto me.
There was a time during my pain that I truly couldn’t believe He was trustworthy. Where I truly couldn’t hope in Him. Where I tested His intentions, and would feel vindicated when what I wanted didn’t happen because it made me feel “right” in my accusation- that He wasn’t actually good, and that if I actually trusted Him with my heart like before, He would crush it again.
Today I woke up anxious, busy minded, distracted, and frustrated that I couldn’t focus enough to just look at Him for a moment. So I asked Father to tell me something- anything…and He said to look at my notes by Philippians 4. So I turned there, and saw a note written a year ago today that said “Jack, peace is yours when you’ve made your request known- when you’ve surrendered it. Not when that request is fulfilled.”
How kind is Father that we don’t have to wait until our requests come to pass to receive peace? How kind is it that as soon as we empty our hands to surrender our requests, He gives peace back to us.
Philippians 4:6 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication, let your requests be made known unto God, and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Peace is always granted even if my request is not- and the reason that is the best thing in the world, is because that peace surpasses my understanding- therefore what I think is best is kept in the perfect peace that His thoughts are higher. And that peace guards my heart- therefore I can hope in God again and again without the self-protection of believing that He isn’t for me. And that peace guards my mind- therefore I know that He is trustworthy and His integrity is perfect, and that His goodness and mercy is following me for all my days.
Surrender is greater than fulfillment because if I only ever trusted God when I saw the fulfillment of my own expectations, I wouldn’t be able to call myself a woman of faith (Romans 8:24-25) or perseverance. But when I surrender, I get Him right away, and then even more in the fulfillment of His plans for my life which He promised to bring to completion Philippians 1:6
I leave America in about 15 hours and I wont be back for 9 months. There have been a lot of things I have been asked to surrender, and it has been really painful. Surrendering doesn’t come without a cost. It isn’t painless. And I think that’s what makes it that much more beautiful to God. That His eyes are searching to and fro looking for the ones whose hearts are blameless towards Him- that He may give them His support (2 Chronicles 16:9), and when He catches these offerings- messy with snot and tears, and laced up with hope and trust, He stops, and He gazes, and He says “I am with you always- to the end.”
He’s worthy of it. All the trust, all the hope, all the waiting, and all these next 9 months.
