This morning my mom texted me saying “I cant believe you’ll be home in less than 2 weeks!” and I think it was the first time it actually hit me…I’m coming home in 10 days. I’ve been aware of our time rapidly coming to a close, but today was the first time it felt real and in my face. I thought back to when I came home after my own race back in 2016, and the struggles I faced during that transition, and I wanted to share what I learned from that experience with both my racers, and with my loved ones back home, awaiting my return. Racers, these are some things you can expect, and healthy ways to engage with hard things. Family/friends, these are some things we are experiencing, and ways you can support and love us well through our transition/re-entry.
Be Patient:
Transition comes with a plethora of emotions. There are things you grieve and celebrate, things that feel unresolved that you need to process through, goodbyes to be said, welcomes to be had, and so much more. With all of those emotions comes pressure. Pressure to be different or be the same, pressure to make time for everyone, pressure to know what your “next step” is, or pressure to get home and simply go back to “normal life.”
To the racer:
The truth is, you don’t really ever go back to “normal.” In a lot of ways, we’re the same person that left, and in lot of other ways we’re so different. We’ve seen and experienced so much, and it takes time to learn how to bring all that new perspective back into what we once knew as “normal.” Amidst all of the pressure we may feel, remember that we’re in the process of sewing two worlds together, as they are both part of us now. Be patient with yourself, and be patient with the people around you. Invite them into your process even when you feel like they won’t understand.
To the family/friends:
We’re reallllly happy to be home, we’ve missed you! We’re also really sad to say goodbye to some people we’ve really grown to love over the last nine months. It’s easy to feel lonely because we’ve just gone from being surrounded by people we’ve shared this experience with, to being the only one whose had this experience. It’s easy to feel misunderstood, even when that’s no one’s intention. In the first few weeks, we really are just weird creatures. Decisions can feel stressful and overwhelming. It may seem silly for us to get stressed about deciding where to go for dinner or what to plan for family fun, but it is helpful if those things are either narrowed down to a few choices, or planned for us altogether. Small things can trigger us and we may cry over very insignificant things. This is normal, and it comes from a mixture of physical and emotional exhaustion. Be patient and seek understanding with us as we try to first figure out what the heck is going on, and then try to explain that to you.
Catching Up With Us:
To the family/friends:
A conversation takes two people, so talk to us! Nine months is a long time, and there really is SO much to share from our experience- but we also want to hear about what’s been going on in your life in the last 9 months. Life has been happening without us there- friends have gotten married, pregnant, had babies, started new jobs, new relationships…or maybe you feel like nothing has changed…but we still want to hear about your life, what God has been teaching you/ walking you through…how you’ve grown, or themes of the year. Its common for people to say over FaceTime “oh there’s nothing new going on here, same old same old, what about YOU?!” While well-intentioned, it feels one sided to share all about our experience, but not hear anything from you…so please! Let us ask you questions, too. We care about you, and have missed you, and want to be caught up on your lives.
Speaking of questions, when you do ask us questions about our trip, ask specific ones! It’s really really hard to answer broad or vague questions. For example, the following questions would be hard to answer:
“So how was it?
“Tell me everything”
“Are you happy to be back?”
“What was your favorite part?”
“What did you do?”
“Do you have any funny or crazy stories?”
It’s really hard to summarize 9 months for someone in a 1 minute answer. It’s hard to pick out a favorite part (or even several favorite parts) of 9 months. It’s hard to explain the mixed emotions that come with re-entry. It’s hard to explain all the different ministries we were part of for 9 months. I found that the most random things will remind me of a story from my race, and I’ll share it…it’s not that I don’t want to share immediately, it’s just that I don’t remember every funny thing that happened over the last 9 months, and I wouldn’t expect you to, either. These questions are definitely on the right track, and here is how you can ask them in a better way:
“Who were some influential people that you met in __________ (pick a country).
“Which country was your favorite, and why?”
“Which country was the hardest for you, and why?”
“Can you tell me one way you saw God move in ________ (pick a country).
“What was your ministry in __________ (pick a country).”
“Was it hard for you to be away from home during Christmas?”
Narrowing your questions to a specific country, holiday, event, or topic is really helpful for us as we try to pick through a 9 month long “mental filing cabinet.”
Community, Rhythms/ Routine, and Awkward New Beginnings:
To the racer and to the family/friends:
Remember that transition can take a long time, and that’s OK. Being uprooted and relocated is a big experience, and re-acclimating will take longer than the few days it takes for jet-lag to wear off. It is normal for someone to still feel like they are in transition for 6 months to a year after coming home from something like this. It’s similar to someone moving cities for a new job…it takes time to build a community, find a steady routine, and get truly settled. It’s ok for that to take awhile, and its ok to feel a like a fish out of water at times.
That being said, ownership is a big part of healthy transition. There were times after my first race where I really did give up when things weren’t immediately easy…what I learned from that experience was that re-building a routine and a community and a life takes intentionality- meaning I can’t go to a new church once and expect to walk out with best friends. I have to press into the awkward, keep showing up, and keep putting myself out there. While we do need to own that, I can say that being invited to events or community groups is realllllly helpful. Maybe that’s just a preference thing for me- but going somewhere and knowing at least one other person makes it a lot less intimidating. My sister and friends back home were awesome about inviting me to things with their friend groups. A lot of the time I declined, simply because I was so tired of being the new girl. But wallowing in my exhaustion and self pity of feeling like I “didn’t belong” really held me back from a healthy transition home. I’ve learned that I must be willing to be the new girl for a few weeks, maybe even months, if I want to establish connection with others.
I’ve learned that re-entry takes 100% ownership. While I can share where I am at and what I need, I can’t expect others to make it easy for me. I am hopeful that knowing these things will help those around me understand what this is like, and how you can support us through it.
***Some of the content from this blog was taken from my friend Madison Collin’s blog! I loved what she shared, and asked for permission to share her amazing tips while also adding my own perspective and experience to it as well. You can read her blog at:
www.madisoncollin.theworldrace.org
