I’m sitting in my favorite coffee shop in the world, The White Hart Cafe. The coffee is mediocre at best and there’s not a single sturdy table in the place. Its been through at least 3 different owners, and the floors creak when you so much as look at them…but I’ve sipped on this mediocre coffee since my freshman year of college while I had conversations that laid the foundation of lifelong friendships. I’ve rested my elbows on these wobbly tables while pounding out hours of homework in a degree that has become the force behind why I am a missionary. I’ve even sat on these loud, squeaky floors and cried when I couldn’t comprehend death and loss and grief. This tiny little hole-in-the-wall coffee shop has hosted my heart in growth and in pain, in confusion and assurance, in the meaningful and the mundane moments of life…I love this place and how it always seems to welcome me back for one more round of reflection. So here we are, still meeting here 7 years later to celebrate 10 days of training camp that met every prayer and exceeded every expectation.
Abide. That sums up the entire 10 days. Everything flows from abidance with Father. I learned that I have no good in me apart from Father, and that anything good that comes from me comes from Father. I cannot leave Him. Without Him I’m lost and insecure…but in Him, I’m secure in my Sonship.
By abiding, I learned that vulnerability literally never gets easier but it will always be the worthier choice. When I have the courage to be honest about where I’m at with my people, I’m allowing myself to be better known, supported, and loved by the people who have said yes to me. We say yes to each other as we show up as our true selves and trust one another to be in it with us. Vulnerability during training camp looked like me swallowing a huge bowl of pride, and admitting where I was feeling weak to my co leaders…it cultivated nothing but deeper respect, trust, and love for one another.
Choosing humility is never easy, but again, its always the worthier choice. During training camp, Father walked me through humility by letting me see exactly where I didn’t excel. I was overtly aware of the places in leadership that I am just not naturally gifted in. It was in those moments where I realized that, if I am abiding, then I still lack no good thing. Accepting my natural gaps gave me two things: it gave me a greater awareness of my own gifts, and it gave me a deeper appreciation for my co-leader’s gifts that seemed to cover every area I am weak in. I found freedom in this because I could finally focus my gratitude and attention toward stewarding my own gifts well, instead of forcing myself into a yoke I never belonged to.
In abiding, I learned that Father is literally always engaged with me. He never disengages. He never presses pause, He never tells me “hold on, I have more important things to give my attention to,” He never runs out of things to invite me into…and when I’m abiding, I can’t be on autopilot, because Father is an engaged Father. It was in abidance that I began to recognize a familiar hand extended toward me in the most unlikely places, and I became more engaged with the work of the Spirit. Asking Father what He wants to do is the key ingredient to turn the mundane into the miraculous.
During training camp I saw walls destroyed. I saw truth embraced. I saw hope reborn. I witnessed true surrender. I saw the hungry be filled. I watched Sons and Daughters take their rightful place at the table. And I’m just flat out baffled that we got to be part of it all just because we kept saying yes.
I love the people I’m launching with. Every single one of them. They’re incredible. They’re curious. They’re hungry. They’re full of hope and childlike faith. They’re willing and passionate. They’re my people, and thats insanely special to me. Here’s to 9 months of being Good News with you, Gap V- thanks for your yes.
